Desperation

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What's with the destined need to die?
How will I solve this problem and why?
I have the desperation surrounding me.
Wanting the suicidal boy to be me.
With all of my sleepless nights
And all of my inner fights,
Comes death as my final option in life.
To end this pain with the slice of the knife.
With the world that hates me,
And my sickness for all to see.
I've been wanting to make my desperate attempt,
But it might be the thought that I may resent.
I never had people that care in my life,
Which is why I was so glued to the knife.

Cutting released all my agonizing pain.
If I keep it bottled up I will go insane.
Why do I have the desperate need to die?
Why when I cry do the tears run dry?
Why can't I cope with the pain that I feel?
Maybe it's fake, but also so real.